Do you often forfeit your plans to accommodate just about anyone who needs your assistance? Would you rather sacrifice your own needs for the sakes of other people who want your time? Do you find it a lot easier to advise others than it is to analyse and probe your own life?
Of course, it is always good to be kind, self-less and helpful as long as your motivation for doing it comes from a healthy mindset. There are people who are passionate at going the extra-mile for other people because it is their ultimate purpose for living. It gives them huge satisfaction and a sense of personal fulfilment. This is a healthy motivation for assisting others.
But if this is not the case for you, there may be more to your compulsive acts of kindness. If you help others a lot at the detriment of your own wellbeing or progress, there are few possible reasons for this:
- Escapism. Helping others with their issues takes you away from your own problems.
- Feelings of unworthiness. You shy away from your own goals, passions and desires because you feel unworthy of achieving success in your own life.
- Inferiority. You seek a purpose in helping other people achieve their goals because you feel you are not capable of accomplishing anything significant in your life.
- Low self-esteem. You depend on the good compliments of others for you to feel good about yourself.
- Poor self-respect. You are highly pre-occupied with what others think of you than what you think of yourself.
- Fear of failure. You would rather help others get something started than start something yourself and risk a possibility of failure.
- Believe that you qualify and deserve the very best life has to offer. Life will attract towards you the circumstances and people that are in harmony with your belief system. By changing your thinking, you can change the nature of your attracted life experiences. Your beliefs shape your future.
- See failures as stepping stones. Failure is nothing but a price to pay for success. Without temporary failures, no lasting or permanent success is possible. Commit to positive actions and do not be afraid to fail. In fact, each time you fail, you move closer to success. Quitting or doing nothing at all is the real failure.
- Receive kindness from others without feeling that you must give something back. One of the best ways to develop healthy relationship is by allowing others the pleasure of giving to us without the feeling or gesture of unworthiness from ourselves. Don’t contaminate the good will of others to serve you with your feelings of unworthiness. Ask friends for help. Let others serve you while you relax. Let them enjoy the thrill of giving to you. They will love you for it. Then use the extra time that this gives to you to do something for yourself.
- Question your motive. Before doing anything for anyone, ask yourself this question, “What is my motive?” “Am I doing this for the right reasons or am I escaping from reality or wanting this person to like me or affirm me?” “Is this going to be at the detriment of my interests, progress or wellbeing?” By challenging your motivations to help others, you will start develop the self-awareness necessary for self-respect and personal power.
- Practise saying “No.” Regardless of how much you try, you can never please everybody. It is a pointless game that leads to a joyless and frustrating life. Learning to say no is one of the most important skills that you will ever develop regarding time management and effectiveness. The best way to avoid unnecessary responsibilities is to politely say that, “I have other pressing responsibilities…” People will respect you for your self-confidence and bravery. Learning to say no when it is the right thing to do demonstrates self-direction and self-leadership.
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