- They always recognise that “thoughts” are causes and emotions are “effects”. Emotionally intelligent people understand that we live in a world strictly governed by the law of cause and effect, which says that “To every effect, there is a cause.” Therefore, they are fully aware that the thought that they permit to dominate their mind determines the emotions that they produce within them. So, they constantly take control of their thought patterns in order to ensure that the feelings and the emotions they produce are consistent with their goals and ideals. As such, they habitually screen out negative thinking and only allow positive thoughts to germinate within their psyche, thereby producing the emotions that motivate, and not depress.
- They never put a fence down until they know why it was put up in the first place. Whether in a conversation with someone they know very well or someone they barely know, emotionally intelligent people never try to alter, correct, change, or judge anybody or anythings unless they fully understand why that thing or person was in that situation or state in the first place. Instead of trying to fix people’s problems before they hear them speak, emotionally intelligent people focus on understanding the emotions, motives and logic behind everything before they ever attempt to alter it or improve it – if it’s ever necessary. They know humans never do anything that is not motivated by emotions – whether positive or negative.
- They never solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution. Emotionally intelligent people always calibrate their reactions in proportion to the problem at hand. They do not over-react in the face of uncertainties. They never deploy permanent solution to solve a temporary crisis. Rather, they carefully consider their feelings and emotions before making any crucial decision. An example of solving a temporary problem with a permanent one is to tell a friend never to speak to you again because he misses your appointment. Another example is when someone kills himself because his girl friend walks away on him. Emotionally intelligent people are highly objective and hopeful people. They like to give life and people more chances than the average person.
- They always demonstrate intensified self-awareness. Emotionally intelligent people are constantly aware of their own feelings and emotions – what triggers each emotion and feeling they experience, and are also cognisant with how they react to different stimuli in different situations. Likewise, they are able to trace, identify, and modify any suspected defects in their attitude, as well as any hidden agenda behind any of their responses and behaviours. As a result, they have the ability to self-correct, manage and regulate their emotions.
- They understand that real love is not emotions. How many times have people confused emotions for real love? People often mistake romantic emotional feelings for real love. This is what separates the emotionally intelligent people from the rest – they recognise that real love is built only on commitment and not emotions. They recognise that emotions are unreliable chemical substances that are subject to change very frequently – sometimes every few minutes. As a result, when they choose to get into a relationship, they understand that that relationship will be full of ups and downs – and if they are to prove their love in that relationship, it will be down to their commitment to that relationship, especially in hard times, and not their feelings. They never let their emotions define their interpretation of love. This protects them from emotional bankruptcy due to emotional over-withdrawal. Even if they decide to walk away from any relationship, they do so because of sound knowledge, and not as a result of overwhelming emotions.
- They never make a major decision based on feelings. Emotionally intelligent people allow sufficient time to pass before they make a life-changing decision. When they are angry, upset, disappointed or broken, instead of making irrational decisions based on how they are feeling at the time, they self-regulate and exercise tremendous amount of self-control and personal power to refrain from saying or deciding on anything which they might later regret.
- They are willing to adequately process their bad feelings. Emotionally intelligent people recognise that the cause of several psychological and emotional disorders is repressed and unexpressed negative emotions. Therefore, they never bottle-in their bad feelings. Rather, when life or someone deals with them harshly, they accept that they are hurting and then choose to do whatever it takes to ensure that they adequately process the root-cause of their hurts. They are not afraid of calling for a dialogue or write a letter to resolve a dispute or even letting people off their mental prison in forgiveness in order to free their own soul and sanity.
- They have the ability to delay gratifications. One of the hallmarks of emotional intelligence and personal greatness is one’s ability to delay gratifications. Whether it is in the area of finances, relationships, health and diet, communication, sexuality, career, food, feelings, or any other important areas of life, emotionally intelligent choose never to allow immediate and short-lived pleasure to jeopardise their entire life-time life satisfaction.They invest today’s pain so that they can cash in on tomorrow’s pleasures. They work today and enjoy later. They never allow their distorted and selfish instant gratification and desire for things to ruin their systematic plans and investments for the future. For example, they never go all out overly spending the money they do not have, having been caught up in the emotions of the Christmas or other festive seasons. They cherish their long-term gains much more than short-term pleasures.
- They recognise that everyone they meet is hurting somewhere. Emotionally intelligent people are great listeners. They listen with their heart, not just with their ears. They connect from the heart with whoever they are talking to, constantly in search for any brokenness, hurt, stress, frustration, or anger in order to provide some healing. They recognise that everybody hurts somewhere – and that every conversation is an opportunity to heal somebody of his emotional wounds. Emotionally intelligent people are like a flowing stream that refreshes and replenishes everyone it comes in contact with as it flows through many villages and cities.
- They anticipate and prepare for disappointment before it becomes obvious. Emotionally intelligent people place a high value on people, their potential,as well as their possibilities. But they intentionally lower how much they expect from people. They do this in order to avoid being always heartbroken, disappointed and betrayed by the fallibility of others. They know that as long as we live, humans will continue to be humans. And as such, they anticipate people to fall short, make mistakes, disappoint or never measure up to their ideal standards. And since they are continually preparing for this in advance, they are never caught off-guard – even when those that they love dearly let them down. This kind of outlook about life, however, never make them pessimistic or negative at all. They simply hope for the very best in every person and situation – but they are also emotionally smart enough to prepare for the worst.
These are the highly valuable emotional qualities that separate the emotionally intelligent people from others.
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